Human beings crave what they can’t have. It’s a universal theme that shapes behavior. Does that relate to how strict parents raise crafty children? And how relaxed parents raise responsible children? In my experience, it absolutely does.
With an abundance of rules on their behavior, a child is naturally going to want to rebell. Restricting a child’s behavior through strict rules doesn’t allow the child to discover their limits naturally.
Growing up, my parents have been reasonably laid back. They don’t enforce screen time; if I get a bad grade, they will pat me on the back and help me to get better scores next time. If I want to hang out with friends they will tell me to be safe and let them know how it goes. The list goes on. Because of this type of parenting I’ve become a natural rule follower and a very self motivated student athlete. Call me dull, but this instinctual motivation to be safe and a rule follower emerged from my own values which derived from the trust and freedom my parents gave me. A rule-following kid could be described as a dream, and the truth is that focusing on a healthy, nurturing, laid back relationship with your child can best ensure a self monitoring teen.
My friends often describe their struggles with their strict parents. They feel they are being monitored too much, and that they are missing out on essential experiences as a teenager. This often leads many teenagers to find ways to achieve these experiences regardless of parental consent.
In the article Strict parents raise sneaky children, Sri Trikona explains “It’s natural for teens to want to be in relationships and go to parties, but those with strict parents almost feel as though they need these things.”
When a child feels like they need to go out, and their parents won’t let them, they may resort to rebellious actions such as sneaking out. The more teenagers aren’t able to experience fun and diverse experiences due to their parents, the more they will rebell and become crafty. Some may believe that strict parents ensure rule following children, however studies show this isn’t always the case.
A University of Georgia study, What Happens When You Are Too Strict With Your Child found that children whose parents are strict are more likely to act out, and be less responsible in the future.
In the article How Strict Parents Can Actually Make Their Teens More Rebellious Journalist Ryley Spilman describes her friend’s experience with her overbearing parents.
“Despite her parents placing a lot of restrictions on her, she found ways to surpass them. She secretly became their worst nightmare.”
Spilman expresses that her friend was irresponsible, but was able to hide it from her parents despite their rigidity. Children feel as though it is an essential part of their adolescence to do activities despite their parents allow it. With enough motivation, the child may have experiences behind their parents back. Even the most overbearing parents cannot prevent this, so its better to keep a trustworthy, laid back relationship. Being too strict with your child does much more harm than good despite good intentions from parents.
The article What Happens When You Are Too Strict With Your Child? shares consequences of overbearing parents.
“As the children reach adolescence they haven’t learned to regulate their own behavior,” says medical reviewer Dan Brennan. “They don’t have the skills to effectively problem-solve on their own.”
Being too strict can be detrimental in raising children, as they fail to understand how to be responsible. Although it depends on the person, it is very likely that less overbearing parental involvement will inspire teens to understand how to make good decisions, a valuable and necessary life skill.
Many parents resort to drastic, strict parenting methods because they believe that with less rules, their child will do rebellious acts and become a nightmare. This is far from the truth, because it depends on the child. A child can still become a nightmare regardless of overbearing parents, yet the difference is that the parent may not have knowledge of it. There are plenty of children who are rebellious yet have strict parents, or have relaxed parents. Same goes, that there are many children who are responsible with strict parents, and relaxed parents. Every parent is subject to their own method of parenting, however it is easiest on the parent and the child to maintain a trustworthy, relaxed relationship which best ensures the child to be responsible in life.
Regardless of how obedient kids may act under the roof of very strict parents, the truth is that as soon as the teen moves out they will not understand their limits, or how to make good decisions and be a responsible adult. Parenting is inherently very difficult, so it is best to be reasonably relaxed in order to maximize a child’s responsibility.
