You check your phone for the tenth time this hour. Still nothing. Maybe their phone died? Maybe they’re busy? Or maybe… you’ve been ghosted.
Listen, no matter how much of a catch you are, we’ve all been ghosted.
Urban dictionary defines ghosting as “when someone who you’ve been seeing/in contact with suddenly stops responding and disappears as if they never existed like a ghost.” Whether the prospect didn’t have enough feelings, was too busy yata yata, they will go about one of two ways to end things; either be mature and give you closure, or stop responding and leave you to rack your mind of what you did wrong.
Whatever happened, don’t worry—you’re not alone. According to statista, 60% of adults have been ghosted. According to psychology today, ghosting can be traumatic. When someone we love and trust disengages from us, it feels like a very deep betrayal. Psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer explained that ghosting triggers the same areas of the brain associated with physical pain, making it feel like an emotional gut punch. The experience is an emotional process that often mirrors the five stages of grief. Here’s how it might happen and what you should do.
Stage 1: Denial
You were just texting, snapping, or worse hanging out with your partner the other day. You look to find their notification and it’s nowhere to be found. They will respond soon, right? Maybe they are just hanging out with friends, doing chores, or feeding their fish, or asleep at 3pm.
Stage 2: Anger
Curious, you check their snap score. It’s going up but you’re still on delivered. How could they just randomly stop snapping you? Everything was going so well?! What’s going on?
Stage 3: Bargaining
In this stage, you will start racking your brain, replaying past events to find out what went wrong with this seemingly perfect talking stage. You think, “Hmm maybe I laughed too loud, touched my hair too much, or made a bad joke.” You ask yourself, “What went wrong?” You consider doing the unthinkable: double texting. You internally debate manufacturing a run in. Maybe you will drive by their house? Or better yet, maybe you can communicate with them? Or is that too clingy? I mean, is it really that bad to ask them what’s wrong? (Newsflash, it is.)
Stage 4: Depression
You can’t stop checking their social media. You’re spiraling, trying to distract yourself. Maybe you’re snapping other prospects, doing chores, homework even. Anything to clear your mind about the fact they are not snapping you. Nothing works. You accidentally pull up a photo of your talking stage that suddenly is under rose colored lenses. You think, “Woah, they are so attractive. I want them so much. Why don’t they like me?” You sulk, maybe even cry.
Finally, you move into the best stage: acceptance. A few days or weeks have passed. They still haven’t responded. Although you are confused you have accepted that your self worth is more important than the lost relationship. You realize your soulmate would never ghost you on a random day with no closure. You glow up inside and out as you prioritize yourself and well being. You realize, there are potential partners that would do anything for you, so why would you settle for someone that doesn’t even have the decency to respond? Exactly.
Finally, you start to see a silver lining. And then once you accept that you’re better off without someone who would ghost you, the person who ghosted you realizes you are thriving. They watch you more intently than anyone. They see your smile and new glow. They realized they “fumbled” as they didn’t realize what they had. They try to come back into your life. This is a no brainer; they always come back. Trust me.
What Are You Going to Do?
You remember how they treated you—how they made you feel. Cmon, you really believed they were asleep at 3pm? Dont cut them that slack.
But you also remember how much you liked them.
Please listen to me when I tell you, someone that was fine with leaving you in the dust— no explanation—99.99% of the time doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Believe me when I say, you are the prize. Unless they send a detailed apology and explanation, rather than making up a lie and saying they got into a fight with a bear (that’s a real excuse I’ve been given), don’t let them back into your life.
Ghosting isn’t the worst thing—it can open new doors and set you in the right direction. According to statista 45% of adults have ghosted someone themselves. Whether it’s harsh or not, ghosting is common and usually not personal. It simply means that person wasn’t right for you. Ghosting is not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of them. Your soulmate wouldn’t leave you to read. Most importantly, being ghosted means that you dodged a bullet; that person wasn’t emotionally mature enough for you.
No matter how betrayed you feel, once you’ve gone through these five stages, you’ll come out stronger—and better than ever.
