One day, you’re minding your own business doing your skincare routine, blasting your favorite music and singing along. You’re deep in thought—mainly about whether you should quit your job to pursue a singing career. Life is good. Until ding! your phone lights up.
That familiar (and unwanted) bitmoji stares back at you. Your ex snapchatted you, again.
Here’s a fundamental rule in the dating world: exes almost always come back. Back in the day, they were sending love letters by carrier pigeon. Now, they’re sending you a snapchat at 2 a.m. with a “heyyy” and a blurry mirror selfie. Regardless of the message’s transportation, you may find yourself wondering, “Do exes always come back?”
The short answer: Yes. And human nature explains why.
It’s Adam and Eve’s fault (and basic psychology).
Even the first biblical humans, Adam and Eve, were victims of the wanting-what-you-can’t-have syndrome. Although Eve was thriving in the Garden of Eden, what did she want? The one fruit she was told not to eat. Fast forward a thousand and something years, the same principle applies to modern day relationships. The moment you’re prioritizing yourself — unavailable, thriving, dating someone else or simply stop thinking about your ex — they suddenly remember you exist.
Coincidence? I think not.
Believe it or not, there is science behind it.
The Prospect theory explains that people feel the pain of loss much more than they feel the pleasure of gaining something new. To sum this up, your ex didn’t care when they left, but now that you’re suddenly out of their life, you’re a rare gemstone.
The Scarcity principle states that when something is less available, it becomes more valuable. When you aren’t available and stop chasing your ex, they want you more.
Nostalgia bias makes people romanticize the past. They forget why you broke up and the negatives in the past relationship. They only remember the good moments, seeing these experiences under rose colored lenses.
That’s why when your ex texts you that they miss you because “things were so good” (even if they really weren’t).
Exes crawling back into your life is also a result of chemicals in the brain. Breakups trigger withdrawal symptoms, similar to drug addiction. When your ex sees you moving on, they crave your validation.
As Taylor Swift famously sings in her song “I bet you think about me,” she translates this theory perfectly; “I’m harder to forget than I was to leave.”
You are probably wondering, “Why do they REALLY come back?”
Through my personal super scientific research (life experience), I’ve noticed a suspicious amount of exes have a tendency to circle back. In this pattern, I’ve realized that no, they didn’t get struck by lighting, they are either:
Bored, craving an ego boost, or feeling regret. However, “feeling regret,” doesn’t necessarily mean they feel regret because they love you, but because they want control.
At the end of the day, every situation differs. Although psychology gives some great closure, whether or not an ex returns depends on the people involved.
How should you handle an ex who comes back?
Don’t fret, start by asking yourself, why are they reaching out?
Are they being genuine in trying to make things right, or are they just bored? If it’s been enough time and they give you a deep apology, that’s one thing. However if it’s the more common snap late at night saying “it’s been a while”? No thank you. Don’t accept that, keep your standards high.
Think about it!
Would being in contact with them or getting back with them make you happy? Or would it just raise their ego by knowing they can get you back anytime?
If you’re not sure, that’s your answer.
Ending the cycle!
Don’t engage in a cycle of letting them back in. If this isn’t the first time, it’s about damn time you break the cycle. Come on, do you really want to let them back and show your lack of self respect? Not to mention, 3rd time doesn’t mean it’s a charm.
Anyway, why would you want your ex to come back? 99 percent of the time things ended because they were meant to. Everything happens for a reason is a universal rule.
Although getting back together with an ex has a chance of working out, usually when things end they are meant to stay that way.
Here’s the catch!
NEVER sit around waiting for an ex to come back. My experience has taught me that if you want them to come back, they probably won’t, which is backed up by the Law of attraction and various theories.
But the second you don’t want them back? That’s when their snap will pop up.
The one thing I’m certain about is this: When they do come back, it’s usually when you’ve moved on and are glowing more than ever. Is this simultaneous? For sure.
Thus, the next time an exe’s bitmoji pops up out of nowhere, remember the human nature behind it.
