Vogue just dropped a question that sent the internet into a spiral. Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? . Apparently, that’s the conversation the internet wants us to have… when a platform as influential as Vogue claims that Gen Z womanhood has evolved past relationships!? According to Chante Joseph, being in love—something most people consider one of life’s greatest joys—is suddenly terrible PR. The new flex is declaring yourself single.
Let me answer the question asked.
Feminism is great. I’m an independent woman pursuing a college and law school degree. I don’t need any man to complete me. I love feminism. I need it.
Thus, when Joseph states that “Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore, it is no longer considered an achievement, and, if anything, it’s become more of a flex to pronounce yourself single” I can’t help but agree because your relationship status should never validate your worth.
Yet, these ideas become sexist when only women lose status from dating. Yet, there’s absolutely ZERO mention of men being embarrassed for having girlfriends. That’s funny isn’t it?
What the Vogue piece describes is clearly NOT empowerment for women! It encourages anxiety regarding social media: the fear of losing followers, likes, engagements. It’s the fear of not “looking” independent enough if you have a boyfriend. The Vogue piece suggests that keeping an online audience entertained is more important than the relationships in your life.
If your self worth and happiness depends on Tik Toks approval, having a boyfriend is not your greatest problem.
Vogue even cites influencers who blatantly admitted that they strategically avoid posting their boyfriends in order to “maintain a persona,” proving that the embarrassment comes not from relationships, but rather the pressure of an online audience. The article at its core reinforces the ideal that this strategy is for branding and clout rather than real empowerment.
Of course, people realized this, as for most of history, women weren’t embarrassed for having boyfriends, rather for not having one. Being single was often seen as a lack of desirability or a moral flaw. In many cultures, women were pressured into marriage not only socially but for economic need. Yes, of course it’s detrimental to recognize that the reason we celebrate our independence as women is because of our history of stigma against that very concept.
However, Vogue’s framing is backwards. After our fight for centuries for women to choose whether or not to be in a relationship, it’s just as limiting to shame women for being in one.
Our empowerment means having options without social alienation.
Meanwhile, supportive relationships are proven to support mental health. Research from Deconstructing Stigma notes that healthy relationships can provide a sense of purpose. Being happily committed whether dating or married, correlates with mental well being, backed by Relationships and community: statistics | Mental Health Foundation.
Now, tell me, how is having increased mental health from a loving relationship embarrassing?
Newsflash! It’s not embarrassing.
What’s really embarrassing is allowing the internet to convince you that feminism requires isolating yourself from meaningful and loving relationships with others. Choose your life, single or partnered, without worrying about what instagram thinks.
